We Went to the Zoo Today

It was 75* today, in march! I couldn't believe it.

We called up a couple of friends and headed down for a day in the sun with the monkeys.

Of course whether monkeys refers to the gorillas, orangutans, and five other species of primate currently housed at the zoo or the 7 children we had with us is kind of in the eye of the beholder.

We must of looked like a herd of some type traipsing through the park with 1 double stroller, two single, a wagon, 4 mommies, and seven children who rarely rode in said strollers or wagon. I think the reason that moms become so attached to their strollers is not because of the convenience of pushing children. Really it is all the children's stuff that ends up riding.

And man do children need a lot of stuff. In my bag (on my stroller) I always carry diapers, pull-ups, wipes, purell, desitin, lotion, chap stick, band aids, the "leash" **, snacks for Dot, snacks for Googie, a binky for each, a sippy cup for each, toys for Dot, a small blanket for Dot, and sometimes one for Googie if we're going to be gone during nap time. Then, because of the outing today, we added sack lunches, extra water bottles, sunscreen, summer hats, my camera, loveys for each, and a large blanket to nurse with.

A small note on the leash . . . I am not one of those horrible parents who chain their children to the stroller so that they don't have to pay attention to where said children wander too. When Googie was 12 months old she started running. Running away from me. At speeds so great that I would have to sprint to catch her, and if I took my eyes off her for a second (ie. blinked) she would be gone. I have had more than one experience of sheer terror because she was just gone. So I bought the leash, and it set the boundaries that at 12 months old she couldn't understand when I tried to explain them to her. We haven't actually used the thing for at least 6 months. But I always have it with me, and it works as a great threat. If she starts running away, not listening, or being otherwise two, all I have to do is pull it out and threaten to strap it to her wrist and she immediately repents of all her wrongs and stays right by my side.

Returning now back to the Zoo . . .

Googie loves the Zoo. When I asked her this morning if she wanted to go she said, " a yions, a bears, a z-bra, a hort-sie, a yion, a monkey, a yion, a hort-sie, a z-bra, a . . . Sissy, 'ou 'anna see da moon-ky, yeah???!!! ALRIGHT!!!!" When she was repeating all the animals she wanted to see she was stuttering a little bit. She was so excited she couldn't think straight. It was so cute. Watching her little mind be so excited she couldn't formulate a complete thought, you could see the wheels turning in her head as she absently repeated the animals over and over until she figured out what she was really trying to say. And she always asks her sister for her permission about everything. And sissy always says yeah, especially if Googie wants her too.

We went. We saw. I screamed "STOP!", "SLOW", "GOOGIE MARIE!!! I SAID STOP!!!!" She ran. Dot slept. All in all it was a good day.

The best part of the whole day was when we got back to the car. It was hot in there. I rolled down the windows, no children were burned. Then Googie said "Momma I da Yuck." Thinking the worst I immediately assumed she'd had an accident. I started into the "Googie, you know better, you go potty on the toilet" speech when she said "No momma, a back, I da yuck, I wet" I don't know if I cracked up laughing from the sheer relief that she didn't have an accident or because of how darn cute she is.

The whole ride home she kept telling me over and over again "Momma, I da yuck. Whaaaa HA HA HA!!!" She thinks she's so funny . . .

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Just Thought You'd Like to Know . . .

Dot is back to a fairly normal BM schedule. At least she's not crying. But that still doesn't slove my problem of what started the whole issue. We are on breastmilk and pear juice. That's it. Maybe in the next week or so I'll be brave enough to try something else, but until then . . .

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Googie is the most adorable human in the world. I had to cut her nails today and she hates hates it when I cut her nails (This may have something to do with my tendency to cut them too short, or possibly knick the skin next to her nail . . . the jury is still out. I try to be careful, it just happens sometimes. And there is such a fine line between just right and too short on her little finger nails . . . Not only that, but she hates sitting still for anything, so that just makes the whole process harder). I have to cut her nails. What choice do I have?

I strap her down with one arm and hold her hand out with the other, and with my third functioning arm . . . oh wait, I don't have a third . . . with the hand attached to the arm holding the struggling two year old, I cut her nails. I actually did a really good job today, I think I missed one corner, but we didn't have any cut to short, or knicked skin. I release Googie. She grabbed the clippers out of my hand and said "A momma's turn, A momma's turn." Then she jabbed the sharp end of the baby clippers right into my finger.

"Oww baby that hurts."
"Oh, sorry momma"

Then she grabs my next finger and the process is repeated until I've had enough and take the clippers away.

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I Sorry

I love the stage of life Googie is at right now. She's learning new things everyday. It is just so fun to watch, and try to figure out where she picks these things up! Today it was "I sorry"

She's just started to say she's sorry. For everything! I'll say "Googie, that's not nice, we don't throw toys at sister." To which she replies "Oh I sorry sissy, sorry."

She'll drop her Dora doll on the floor, then pick her up and say "I sorry dory, sorry."

I think that she's figured out that if she just says sorry right away she doesn't get in as much trouble. Googie will be sitting down playing with her sister when Dot will start to cry. Immediately Googie will say "I sorry sissy, Sorry!" and give her a kiss. While in my book that doesn't make it okay for Googie to hit her sister with a toy, the fact that she is apologizing about it without me reminding her too is just so cute, it's hard for me to punish her.

I was talking to my mom last night and she asked me if I thought she truly meant it when she said she was sorry. And while I'm not really sure about that, I know she doesn't do the same thing again. So whether she understands sorry, or is just saying it because she knows she won't get in as much trouble, it accomplishes the same goal. She's apologized, and she doesn't do it again . . . at least not for another hour or two.

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The Perfect Toy

I have invented the perfect toy for an active two year old. It's simple, it's cost effective, and it entertains for hours. And since I am such a generous person, I am sharing the secret with all of you . . .


It's a ball of yarn. The end piece tied in a knot, so you don't end up with a web like structure invading your home. The ball loves to play hide and go seek. The ball comes when you tell it to. The ball will follow you around for hours on end. What more could an independent two year old want?

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I Love That Girl

By the time 6:00 rolls around at our house I am so done with the kids. They're not even my kids by that point they're the kids. I'm tried, I'm cranky, I want some space. Usually this isn't an issue. DH gets home and I get a break . . . well at least I get to go to the bathroom by myself. That counts as a break, right?

The point is busy season has started. For those of you without auditors for husbands, I'll elaborate. Every year starting around January the accounting field kicks into high gear. The companies have just finished their year ends (so the information is just barely becoming available) and the auditors have until March to get the entire audit done. **This is the way it works for most companies, not all. Some jobs are different then others but if you work for a large accounting firm you can basically just count on the firm owning your butt from January through March** So DH is planning on at least 60 hour work weeks (at least, sometimes they peak upwards of 80 hours per week) for the next quarter. So you can just guess what that means for me. Okay. Enough with the belly aching. Back to tonight.

I was cranky. I was tired. I'd just finished making dinner and the kitchen, okay house, was a disaster. I was tired of singing songs. I was tired of playing games. I just wanted to plop down on the couch and sit for the rest of the night. So I plopped, but I knew it wouldn't last.

Sure enough within 5 seconds of sitting down Googie was right there. She said " Us wrong Momma? Momma, you o-k? Momma, you ant a seeep?" And then to Dot, who was playing on the floor giggling at Googie's lamb, "Sissy Quie. Quie. Shhh Sissy. Momma seeep." And then she played with Dot for a half an hour. Very nicely I might add. Googie sang her songs. She played peek-a-boo. By the end she had Dot giggling so hard her body was shaking. I couldn't help but sit there and laugh of the two of them playing together.

My 27 month old baby took care of my 4 month old baby today. Googie is a very good big sister.

And me? After that I was able to get up and be a very good Momma again. Googie inspired me tonight. I had a lot of thoughts run through my head while the girls played together. But the one the struck me the hardest was: this is what a family is all about. Taking care of each other. Not being so worried about the roles we play, or who's job it is to do what. When one person faulters another is right there to pick them up and take the lead. Even if the one picking up the slack is only two.

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"That Mom"

You know at a party you always have "That Guy"? The goof ball that is just always out of control? Or had way to much to drink. The one that everyone remembers? Well that was me today at the store. Only I was "That Mom."

I was the one pushing the huge three-seater shopping cart.
I was the one dragging around the screaming toddler.
I was the one shopping as if nothing was wrong.
I was the one taking my dear sweet time.
I was the one ignoring the screaming toddler.
I was the one forcing a smile at everyone I passed.
I was the one putting the screaming toddler back in the cart every time she climbed out.
I was the one talking to my baby over the screaming toddler.
I was the one refusing to buy candy, which caused more screaming.
I was the one being glared at by the "I don't have kids" and the "My kids never did that" club.
I was the one trying not to give into the screaming toddler.
I was the one leaving the store feeling like I needed to scream.
I was the one eating the Oreo's on the way home.

I was that mom.

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I'm still here

I just haven't had much time to myself lately. Dot is four months old and still waking up 3 times a night. Googie has finally hit the terrible twos, and that has it's own set of challenges as you all know. I swear I can't turn my back on her for two seconds! We're looking into buying our first house, and figuring that out takes up any spare time I really have.

Just to catch you up on a couple things:

• Dot has acid reflux/heart burn and is on Zantac (this has really helped with the crying)
• Dot has decided not to sleep through the night anymore
• Googie's hair loss was not caused by lymphoma, leukemia, hyper/hypothyroidism, diabetes, celiacs disease, or any other potentially fatal disease. We're waiting on the test results on a possible dietary deficiency. So far that has all been good news. (I don't know that I ever wrote about this . . . anyway she lost most of her hair on the front/top of her head and my previous doctor dismissed it as stress. My new pediatrician was appalled that the previous doctor didn't run the appropriate tests, so Googie had a bunch of blood work done.)
• Googie's constipation may or may not be caused by milk. The new doctor says that since no milk diet is working to keep it up, but he wants an actual diagnosis from an allergist. So were going to see them in the next month or so.

Those were the big discoveries that we made. Everything else has just basically been ho-hum everyday life. Excitement here and there. But too much to write about here.

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There are times that I just send the tantrum throwing Googie to her room, (for her own safety, and my sanity), but then there are times that she just couldn't be any cuter. Like last night . . .

As I was getting ready to make dinner she comes into the kitchen and says "I nee a hel(p) momma." So I got out an empty bowl and spoon for her. She stirred it for about a minute and then, exasperated, she tells me "Momma, I nee a hel(p) momma!" She wanted to do something that would actually help, so I let her stir the sauce I was making, but when that was done, everything else was too hot for her to help with. So I had her set the table. One plate, one fork, one glass at a time. I would say to her "Here, this one's mommy's fork." "Here's Daddy's glass go put it on the table." And she did. Then when dinner was all ready and we all went to sit down at the table apparently we all sat in the wrong spots. She told us "No Dada, tas Momma's" "Momma, sit, sit, ere." Once we were seated properly she went and took her seat like the queen she is. Then, excited to be in charge she told us to be "quie" and that it was time for a "rayer." We said our prayer, and as soon as we were done she said "ea(t) Momma, ea(t) Dada." We both were trying so hard not to laugh.

She ate more for dinner last night then I have ever seen her eat, and I think it was because she was involved in the whole process. This is something that I am definitely going to encourage. If she wants to help around the house who am I to say no?

Dot on the other hand . . . Well she's adorable during the days. But she is killing me, slowly killing me at night. She's up at least three times a night, and since the girls share a room, Googie is getting up once or twice a night now too. Last night I was up 6 times. SIX! I really don't see the point of even going to sleep sometimes. Dot's four months old now and I think I should at least be getting a couple of full nights of sleep a week. She did it for a couple nights there before we moved, but ever since then it's like yeah right mom. Googie was 3 weeks old when she started sleeping through the night. I just don't know what to do.

I would let Dot cry for 20 minutes, or more, when she wakes up at night, if the girls weren't sharing a room. But I can't have them both awake; and as it is, if Googie wakes up she thinks it's time to get up. I just don't know what to do. I can't wait until we can get into a house and they'll have their own rooms. I wish I could change this pattern but I just don't know how to do it. Any suggestions (and I mean any!) would be appreciated. I am truly at a loss.

So that's my life lately. I'm tired all the time, and busy with Googie, or Dot, or both, the rest. They just never leave me alone! Even now, Googie is playing at my feet and giving me bites of whatever she's concocting in her pots. Kids. Yeah. What more can I say? I can't wait until they grow up. (I know, I know "treasure these moments, they grow up too fast" blah blah blah.) I'm just tired of Toddlers and babies. Actually basically I'm just tired. Okay, now I'm just babbling. I'll stop now. Maybe if I turn on a movie, Googie will let me nap. But probably not. It's no fun to watch a movie by yourself.

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I need a Breather

Seriously.

You want to hear about my night. Oh good, I need to vent to somebody.

First of all. I've held Dot, all night. All NIGHT people. Everytime I put her down she crys. She's crying as we speak, well wait. There she stopped. I'm I wonderful and loving mom, really I am. But when she's cried everytime I put her down, even just to go to the bathroom . . . well, lets just say everybody has their breaking point. (Huh, I thought my ears were getting a break, but alas the crying has begun yet again.)

So that's mostly just a common annoyance, and if that was all I'd be okay. But then there is Googie.

Okay, so the first time was me getting mad because I didn't understand. She comes out of her bedroom saying she has to go pottie. I took her 5 minutes before. 5 minutes. I don't care how small your bladder is you don't have to go again. I put her back in bed (pick up Dot who has been crying, again). 5 minutes later I hear her playing in the hall just out of my sight. So I get up and put her back in bed during protests that she really does need to go pottie (little side note here, if Dot hadn't been crying I probably would have listened to her a little better, but I was slightly distracted). Then the third time I hear her open the door, and I am really mad. Why isn't she staying in bed. When I round the corner she is crouched over, crying and pooping in her pull-up (which, by the way, we had just spoke explicitly about not getting dirty). Poor thing. I cleaned her up and got her back in bed. Of course, through it all Dot is crying.

So I settle Dot down and get her to sleep. I'm holding her, and heaven forbid I should even think about putting her down. Then I hear a crash in the girls room. I have to set Dot down and so commences the crying.

Upon arriving in the room, I find Googie in her closet/playroom. She is stuck in her dolly's playpen, smashed against the wall. So I pick her up and put her back in bed. Then as I go back to shut the closet door I see the box of tissues pulled out all over the floor, toys scattered everywhere, and half of the clothes that I had just put in her drawer not 5 minutes before bedtime, strewn across the room. (Deep breaths everyone, DEEP breaths.)

Honestly, I know it could be worse, and it's not the end of the world. That crying baby soundtrack playing in the background just makes the whole situation unbearable.

Now to go and tend to the still crying offspring.

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Give That Women a Degree!

I'm ready to start my own practice. All I need is common sense, the internet, and I'm ready to diagnose the world’s problems. Heck, I'll be better than most of the pediatricians out there, at least the ones that I've seen.

I've decided that Doctor's are worthless. The only thing they are good for is handing out drugs.

Okay, so this post turned out to be a little gross -- this happens when you’re talking about poop. Consider yourself warned.

Googie never liked nursing. She just didn't like to cuddle, and has always been very independent. Nursing took way too much time, and required her to be too close to mom for longer than she wanted to. She tried to quit nursing at 2 months old. She'd go 4 or 5 hours between feedings and not even complain. If I tried to make her latch on she'd scream, cry, arch her back, and refuse to suck. It was a power struggle for a long time and I hated it.

At 4 months I stopped trying to force her. She still was on an exclusive breast milk diet until 6 months, when I couldn't stand pumping anymore (it gets old really fast when you have to pump from 1-1:30, feed the kid from 2-2:30, take an hour break and pump again from 3-3:30. It makes it really hard to get anything done). Then we started her on formula and rice cereal. That's when her real problems began.

She didn't poop for 12 days. And when she finally did it was so hard we had to pull her diaper off so she could get it out. And it was green (too much information?). I'd called the doctor when it had been a week since she pooped and they said that it was nothing to worry about and sometimes kids do that. She would pass it eventually.

This went on for a month (she pooped three times that month). She screamed and ripped every time she went. These were adult size poops coming out of her little 7 month old body. It was the saddest thing to watch. I took her to the doctor about it and they had me put her on a non-constipating diet. That means lots of pear juice, vegetables, and no rice cereal. When after a month (four more poops) she still wasn't improving I took her back. They didn't really believe me. "You just have to be careful with what she eats. No bananas, no rice cereal, no apple juice."

We stuck strictly to the diet. Nothing helped. At 9 months old she started pooping on the toilet. It took her so long to get them out I had plenty of warning to get her up there. And I figured it's got to be easier to poop sitting up then it is lying on your back.

Finally one day when she was ten months old, after she'd had an unusually big poop, and a large tear, I got fed up with it. I called the doctor and told them I'm bringing her in today, when is your earliest available appointment. When the doctor came in I made her look at the tear in her bum, and they finally started taking me seriously. I was so excited they finally believed me! -- They gave me a prescription laxative and suppositories.

Really I was disappointed. The laxative helped, and the suppositories melted all the hardness away, but there has to be a reason her body does this, some underlying cause. It's not normal. But every time I asked about it they just told me it would go away by the time she was two.

Fast-forward to her two year appointment. She is still just as constipated as ever. When I ask about it the doctor (different one than the first) says just to give it another year. It'll go away.

Now I'm really frustrated and starting to think she will never be regular. It seems like no matter how much laxative I give her I can't get her completely loose. She's always hard, and usually big, the laxative helps her not rip, but it's just not enough. 3 weeks later (last Thursday night) when she rips yet again I get on the internet.

Google search: Chronic constipation in toddlers

I come upon this website that says "if fiber and laxatives haven't worked on your toddler’s chronic constipation they may be lactose intolerant, or allergic to milk."

This finally made sense to me, and I figured it was worth a try. We had nothing to lose, if we took her off of milk and milk products and things didn't improve we really hadn't lost anything, but if they did we had everything to gain.

It worked. Two days after I took her off milk she pooped in her pull-up! She hadn't been able to poop in a diaper for 18 months. I was thrilled. I realized that this meant we would probably have to potty train again, but it is totally worth it. Now three days later she is pooping without screaming, crying, or ripping. Oh happy day.

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Just Stay in Bed, Things Are Better Under the Covers

Most days I love being a mom. Then there are day's like today.

We all woke up this morning to Button's screaming (by the way, Button is the baby's name. She just likes to be swaddled and held so much, I feel like she's a button on my shirt! Not to mention she's just a tiny dot of a thing right now. I love that my girls stay little for so long). Googie woke up and yelled at me through the wall "sissy sad, sissy sad" and then I hear "sissy, sissy, shhhhh, shhhhh, sissy, HEY! Sssissy! SHHHHH!!!!" So I drag myself out of bed, go in their room and realize that it is once again time to feed Button. I feel like I am constantly feeding this girl! Every two hours round the clock, except for one 4 hour period at night. She eats constantly.

I turn on a show for Googie (yeah for Dora!) and sit her down so I can nurse Button. She eats for all of 5 minutes per sitting. Such a stinker. Googie and I get breakfast, and then the fun really starts. I set Button down for two seconds and she starts screaming. I pick her up and she stops. It's going to be one of THOSE days. I pull out the trusty sling, which I feel like I should just adopt as a shirt, I wear the darn thing so much! Get Button all cozied up and force the binky on her.

Now that I have Button all setteled down, it's Googies turn to cry. Her cry is more like a whine.

"Mom read me a book, no not like that. AHHHHH. Mom, why are you runining my life! No I don't want to play with my babies, and to prove it I'll scatter them all over the family room, while I throw myself on the ground. No I don't want to finish my breakfast. How dare you ignore my fit! Look at me while I'm screaming at you! HEY!!!! Owww, now I hit my head on the floor because I threw a fit. Feel sorry for me!!! NOOOO Don't Touch ME!!!! AHHHHHH!!!!!"

At least that's what she would have said if she was about 10 years older, I can't wait to have pre-teen/teenagers. She's taking a nap now. She'd been up for two hours and already I'd had enough and put her back to bed. I know, such a mean mom.

I'm supposed to make rolls to take to a little luncheon today. I'm also supposed to take a shower, do the laundry, and apparently pick up every toy we own, but so far nothing has gotten done. I'm so glad I got out of bed this morning.

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They Make Her Feel Pretty

This is her binky. She needs it when she's sad. It calms her down right away and makes any pain go away. When she burned her hand on the stove, we ran it under cold water and got her binky. The crying stopped instantly. When she's sad because Daddy had to go to work, or because she has to take a nap, she gets her binky and it makes her feel better. Her binky makes her happy.
This is her Lambsie. She loves Lambsie. Lambsie has ow-ies in the same places she does, and Lambsie needs kisses too. Lambsie learned to go potty right along with her. Lambsie needs to eat breakfast, lunch, dinner, and every snack in between. Lambsie has to sit and watch movies with her. Lambsie even has to go to bed with her. Lambsie is her friend when no one else is around to play.
These are her toes. She loves to have them painted. She calls them her pretty's. She feels grown up when we paint them. Mommy has to pay complete attention to her while we paint them. Everytime she sees her toes she feels pretty. It makes her happy when we paint them, and it makes her feel special.

In each of our lives there are things that make us feel pretty, happy, and special. These are things that we all need to have in our lives daily.

For me, I feel pretty when I take time and pamper myself. At home facials, pedicures, anything that I don't get to do on a regular basis (lately this includes drying my hair - without interruption).

I need chocolate to help me be happy again. Whether it's because I stubbed my toe, or the baby's crying is just really getting on my nerves. Chocolate can make anything better, and chocolate-strawberry-carmel-nut-banana-fudge-Ice cream is even better!

I feel special when I'm noticed. When a friend calls to see how I'm doing, or invites me to take a walk with them. When I get to talk to people. Sometimes all it takes is a 5 minute phone call, a short email, or sometimes all I need is a 2 year old hug. I like to be noticed. It makes me feel special.

We all have out little "lovey's." We never really grow out of them, they just get replaced by bigger and better things.

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McDonald's and a Bath

Today while we were out and about, we got stopped at the stop light in front of the local McDonald's.

Googie: Aah don-lds? Aah Don-lds!
Me: Oh, yep there's the McDonald's.
Googie: Aah Snaaa? Aah Snaaaa??!!!!
Me: Well if your good at the store we can get a snack.
Googie: Aah don-lds? Aah Snaaaa???!!
Me: Yes, if your good at the store we can get a snack at McDonald's.

She was very good at the store, and I kept telling her what a good girl she was being, you know, positive reinforcement. But by the time we had finished up at the store, I'd completely forgotten about our little conversation. I put Googie in the car and said "Do you want to go to our house?" Now usually this comment is followed by an enthusiastic "Ou Houw!" But today she just started crying, bawling, and babbling something. I just chalked it up to her being tired and put the baby and our purchases in the car. When she was still screaming at me after 2 minutes of trying to calm her down I told her I didn't understand what she needed and asked her to use her words. And through her tears she said "Aah don-lds, aah snaaa" in a disappointed voice.

We turned around and went back to McDonald's. She was so happy, she just kept saying "Aah don-lds, aah snaaa" over and over.

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The baby was being fussy all afternoon. But only when I set her down. When she was in my arms she was fine. (She was in my arms all afternoon!)

When Googie woke up from her nap she ran out and wanted me to play with her. I couldn't play as well as she would like with the baby in my arms. So she got frustrated, and I in turn got frustrated. Finally I said "Just go choose something to do."

She walked away looking rejected. But she took what I said seriously. She went into her bedroom, the kitchen, and then back to our family room. Her face said, I give up, there's nothing to do. And then, all of the sudden, her eyes lit up and she ran over to me "A Daaaaaa???!!!"

It just made me laugh. "Sure sweetheart, you can have a bath."

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Living Milk Free . . .

For the week we get to experience what it's like to have a lactose intolerant child. Googie got some virus in her intestines that has reacted poorly with her body. She's had diareah for the past 2 weeks. No other symptoms, and not involuntary either. Just constant loose stools. So I took her into the doctor and they expect that this virus has temporarily made her lactose intolerant. So for the next week she can't have any milk or milk products, and if that remedies the situation, at the end of the week she can go back to her usual diet of cheese, yogurt, milk, and the occasional slice of bread. If it doesn't help then we have to try other things, and wonder if she has developed an allergy or intollerance of some other sort. Fun, Fun, Fun.

The good news is she doesn't seem to mind soy milk.

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I want my cuddle time back!

We have certain things we do before bed. I'm sure everyone does. We do all the things that a normal family does (okay so I use the term normal loosely). We put on jammys, brush teeth, go potty, read a book, and have a sippy in bed. It's a routine and she knows what's coming. From the minute I start, she knows that bed is the end.

Lately we've gotten into the "terrible twos." It hasn't been that terrible for us. She just likes to scream no and throw fits. When I ask does she need to go potty, or would she like some lunch, the response is always no, sometimes she means it, sometimes she doesn't. Nothing too out of the ordinary for an almost two year old.

There was a period of about three months (15-18 months old) where we would go through her entire ten book library in one sitting. Reading story after story and cuddling. She'd point out the things she recognized in the pictures, and then sit back and listen to the story. It was fun. It was time that I really enjoyed.

The problem has become that she doesn't like reading with me anymore, because she associates that with getting in bed. She's grown up enough to understand the progression of a routine, but not to differentiate the slight variables. Like time of day, the amount of daylight left, jammys vs play clothes, etc. So reading books together has become a chore. Something that must be done before she can sleep, but not an enjoyable, close, experience.

Well she's only two . . . She'll grow out of this . . . Won't she?

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Perfect in her sleep

How can you love one little person so much?

She lays in her bed, hair sweaty and matted to her face, and she couldn't be more beautiful. She bumps her head on the wall in her sleep and my head hurts for her. I am frustrated that she can't get a good nights sleep as she coughs herself awake for the umpteenth time tonight. I hold her, rock her, hug her as tight as I dare. Kiss her sweaty head. It smells like her. I'm sure to everyone else she just smells like a dirty kid. Not to me. Even the smell is perfect. She sighs, she snores, she can do nothing wrong. The sucking on her binky gets stronger as she drifts back to sleep. It's a perfect sound. She's getting restless, she needs to be in bed. But how can I leave her there? I'm just one room over, but how can I leave her to fend for herself in her own room? I need to protect her. She's too little, too innocent to be left alone. But does she really need me? Or is it me who needs her? Do I love her enough to let her sleep where and how she wants? Kisses, hugs, and I lay her in bed. I love you me sweetheart. It's not enough. Nothing will ever be enough. Will she ever be able to understand what she means to me? Will she ever understand the place she holds in my heart, my soul?

What of her sister? Only 10 weeks until she arrives. What then? Will I be able to love her as much? I know I will love her, I already do. But as much? It doesn't seem possible.

Love is the strangest emotion I have ever experienced. I thought when I was growing up I could never love anyone more than my mom. Then I met my husband and knew that was the most I could love. Until I had my googie, and truly knew what it is to love with all your heart. And now with another little girl coming? I've already given my whole heart, what is there left to give?

It must be a miracle of sorts, the ablity to love. It grows and grows and no matter how much of yourself you give away there is always more. There is always room for one more. One more child, one more friend, one more love.

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Toilet Training and Gas

How do you explain to a newly potty-trained 20 month old that it is okay to pass gas in your panties just not anything else?

Now, she is doing really well being potty trained so young, and having so few accidents, and I really don't want to discourage that. But when we're at the very back of Costco and the bathrooms are at the very front and she is telling you frantically she has to go right that minute, so you run all the way to the front of the store, get her on the toilet and all it is is gas. IT'S SO FRUSTRATING! I mean it's really good that she is telling me, and I'm sure she doesn't understand the difference, or why mommy asks "That's All??!!!" But man is it frustrating.

Or when it's nap time and she has to get up every 20 minutes to go potty, but only actually goes potty once. You can't ignore it. She doesn't understand the whole if-you-cry-wolf-all-the-time-when-you-really-have-to-go-mommy-isn't-going-to-believe-you thing.

So back to my question. How do you teach a young child the difference? Or is it just something they have to figure out on their own?

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SHE DID IT!!!!!

It's done. Officially done. She's Potty Trained!!!!

And its all thanks to this potty:
She doesn't really have the vocabulary to tell me when she needs to go potty. So she has a seat that she can do it herself on. It works great! Not only that but it cut out the need for M&Ms completely. It's reward enough for her to stand up and look inside to see what she did.

Now when we go out I just make sure that she sits on the potty every hour or so and she'll hold it the rest of the time. She even held it for more than 3 hours yesterday at daddy's work softball game (cause there was no way in he** that I was going to take her potty at some nasty outdoor play field hasn't-been-cleaned-in-a-month bathroom).

Can I just take a minute and brag about how smart my little googie is. She is only 19 months old and she completely understands. From start to finish it took us 2 weeks. But if you really look at it I wasn't consistent and there were too many interruptions to count those first days as actual training (I just count the last three). So yeah. Be jealous. Our two kids are going to be 23 months apart, and we get to take a break from diapers for the next 4 months (well except at night and except when we go on long car trips). YEAH!!!

**okay so I feel like that came off a little cocky. Let me just put a little disclaimer on here. Her being potty trained has very little if anything to do with me. All I did was put her in panties, change them when they got wet, buy her a little seat, and remind her to go. The rest was all her. She was ready. And I am so proud of her!

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Potty Trained!

Googie is potty training. YEAH! A month or two ago I wasn't sure it was going to stick before the baby was born. But we've started. A whole three days in a row wearing panties.

We have 6 pairs of panties. They live in the laundry room. Everytime one gets "icky" it gets hand washed and thrown in the dryer. After 3 or 4 are in the dryer, the dryer gets started. And we start the process all over again. It's been a long three days.

But we're getting there! Let me prove it.

Day One.
Wake up and try to change a diaper.
Get the diaper off no problem.
Googie throws the BIGGEST tantrum ever.
She wants to wear her panties.
Fine.
The next 12 hours we go to the potty every 20 minutes.
(Minus time to take a nap)
10 accidents.

Day Two.
Wake up, put on panties.
Go to areobics.
Don't really get to work out.
Go potty every 30 minutes.
At home, next 8 hours go potty every hour.
6 accidents. Total.

Day three.
Wake up, put on panties.
Googie yells "MOM" and runs to the bathroom.
First time she's told me when she has to go! YEAH!
2 accidents.
Nap time.

So that's where we are. A definet improvement in my book. I realize that we have a long way to go and this will probably be a month long process with it's good days and bad days. But hey if she's staying dry all day by the time she is 21 months old I'll be a happy, very very tired of the potty, camper. (That gives me two months. That's long enough . . . right?)

Oh and just a side note. If your trying to potty train and are just sick of dirty clothes, BUY CLOTH DIAPER PLASTIC COVERS! They make sure it's just the panties that get wet, not the whole outfit.

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But I wanted CHOCOLATE!!! WAHHHHHHH!!!!

I realize this is probably a phase and I am going to have to deal with it for a while but man is it annoying!

Every little thing that happens is a catastrophe! I threw the ball and it wasn't in my hands anymore, wahhhhhhhhh! I bumped my finger on the couch, Wahhhhhhhh! I told myself no, but I really wanted to do it, WAhhhhhhhh! He doesn't want to play with me anymore, WAHHhhhhhhh! My goodness child. It's not the end of the world! She doesn't actually tell me what's wrong. She just forces a fake cry and if she does it for long enough it turns into a real cry. She's only 19 months. This isn't a phase I want to deal with until she's 3, or 4!

I just don't know what to do with her. She's been doing it for about a month now. At first I thought she just needed more hugs and attention, but that only seemed to make matters worse. She got the idea that if she cries, for any reason, I am going to drop everything and give her whatever she wants. So then I tried ignoring it. She would fake cry and run after me until she got herself so worked up that she was really crying and I couldn't ignore it anymore.

So now I am just really tired of the whole thing, and I need a way to make her understand that if she needs anything, all she has to do is ask. And that everything isn't going to go her way all the time.

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Nemo and the Potty

We are potty training again this morning. Googie is doing really well so far. She woke up with her diaper mostly dry and then went potty on the toilette. She has kept her panties dry all morning, and has been really proud of herself. We are definetly doing better than we did the past couple of days.

Besides hearing myself ask 'do you need to go potty?' the only other thing I've heard all morning is 'Momo?' Momo is her way of saying Nemo. I was hesitant to put it on the past couple of days because I didn't want her distracted from going to the potty. But after an hour of 'Mooom, Momo?' over and over again, I gave in. Besides she's been doing really well so she needs a treat every now and then.

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