Perfect in her sleep

How can you love one little person so much?

She lays in her bed, hair sweaty and matted to her face, and she couldn't be more beautiful. She bumps her head on the wall in her sleep and my head hurts for her. I am frustrated that she can't get a good nights sleep as she coughs herself awake for the umpteenth time tonight. I hold her, rock her, hug her as tight as I dare. Kiss her sweaty head. It smells like her. I'm sure to everyone else she just smells like a dirty kid. Not to me. Even the smell is perfect. She sighs, she snores, she can do nothing wrong. The sucking on her binky gets stronger as she drifts back to sleep. It's a perfect sound. She's getting restless, she needs to be in bed. But how can I leave her there? I'm just one room over, but how can I leave her to fend for herself in her own room? I need to protect her. She's too little, too innocent to be left alone. But does she really need me? Or is it me who needs her? Do I love her enough to let her sleep where and how she wants? Kisses, hugs, and I lay her in bed. I love you me sweetheart. It's not enough. Nothing will ever be enough. Will she ever be able to understand what she means to me? Will she ever understand the place she holds in my heart, my soul?

What of her sister? Only 10 weeks until she arrives. What then? Will I be able to love her as much? I know I will love her, I already do. But as much? It doesn't seem possible.

Love is the strangest emotion I have ever experienced. I thought when I was growing up I could never love anyone more than my mom. Then I met my husband and knew that was the most I could love. Until I had my googie, and truly knew what it is to love with all your heart. And now with another little girl coming? I've already given my whole heart, what is there left to give?

It must be a miracle of sorts, the ablity to love. It grows and grows and no matter how much of yourself you give away there is always more. There is always room for one more. One more child, one more friend, one more love.