Kids Say the Funniest Things

I recived these cute little stories in an email and just had to share!

MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn't remember any more. Melanie said, "If you don't remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six."

JACK (age 3) was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister. After a while he asked: "Mom why have you got two? Is one for hot and one for cold milk?"

STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom good night. "I love you so much that when you die I'm going to bury you outside my bedroom window."

BRITTANY (age 4) had an earache and wanted a pain killer. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a child-proof cap and she'd have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: "How does it know it's me?"

SUSAN (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. "Please don't give me this juice again," she said, "It makes my teeth cough."

DJ (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: "How much do I cost?"

MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad: "Why is he whispering in her mouth?"

CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried. When his Mom asked what was troubling him , he replied, "I don't know what'll happen with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in?"

JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt." Concerned, James asked: "What happened to the flea?"

TAMMY (age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for a while and then asked, "Why doesn't your skin fit your face?"

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The Perfect Toy

I have invented the perfect toy for an active two year old. It's simple, it's cost effective, and it entertains for hours. And since I am such a generous person, I am sharing the secret with all of you . . .


It's a ball of yarn. The end piece tied in a knot, so you don't end up with a web like structure invading your home. The ball loves to play hide and go seek. The ball comes when you tell it to. The ball will follow you around for hours on end. What more could an independent two year old want?

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I Love That Girl

By the time 6:00 rolls around at our house I am so done with the kids. They're not even my kids by that point they're the kids. I'm tried, I'm cranky, I want some space. Usually this isn't an issue. DH gets home and I get a break . . . well at least I get to go to the bathroom by myself. That counts as a break, right?

The point is busy season has started. For those of you without auditors for husbands, I'll elaborate. Every year starting around January the accounting field kicks into high gear. The companies have just finished their year ends (so the information is just barely becoming available) and the auditors have until March to get the entire audit done. **This is the way it works for most companies, not all. Some jobs are different then others but if you work for a large accounting firm you can basically just count on the firm owning your butt from January through March** So DH is planning on at least 60 hour work weeks (at least, sometimes they peak upwards of 80 hours per week) for the next quarter. So you can just guess what that means for me. Okay. Enough with the belly aching. Back to tonight.

I was cranky. I was tired. I'd just finished making dinner and the kitchen, okay house, was a disaster. I was tired of singing songs. I was tired of playing games. I just wanted to plop down on the couch and sit for the rest of the night. So I plopped, but I knew it wouldn't last.

Sure enough within 5 seconds of sitting down Googie was right there. She said " Us wrong Momma? Momma, you o-k? Momma, you ant a seeep?" And then to Dot, who was playing on the floor giggling at Googie's lamb, "Sissy Quie. Quie. Shhh Sissy. Momma seeep." And then she played with Dot for a half an hour. Very nicely I might add. Googie sang her songs. She played peek-a-boo. By the end she had Dot giggling so hard her body was shaking. I couldn't help but sit there and laugh of the two of them playing together.

My 27 month old baby took care of my 4 month old baby today. Googie is a very good big sister.

And me? After that I was able to get up and be a very good Momma again. Googie inspired me tonight. I had a lot of thoughts run through my head while the girls played together. But the one the struck me the hardest was: this is what a family is all about. Taking care of each other. Not being so worried about the roles we play, or who's job it is to do what. When one person faulters another is right there to pick them up and take the lead. Even if the one picking up the slack is only two.

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"That Mom"

You know at a party you always have "That Guy"? The goof ball that is just always out of control? Or had way to much to drink. The one that everyone remembers? Well that was me today at the store. Only I was "That Mom."

I was the one pushing the huge three-seater shopping cart.
I was the one dragging around the screaming toddler.
I was the one shopping as if nothing was wrong.
I was the one taking my dear sweet time.
I was the one ignoring the screaming toddler.
I was the one forcing a smile at everyone I passed.
I was the one putting the screaming toddler back in the cart every time she climbed out.
I was the one talking to my baby over the screaming toddler.
I was the one refusing to buy candy, which caused more screaming.
I was the one being glared at by the "I don't have kids" and the "My kids never did that" club.
I was the one trying not to give into the screaming toddler.
I was the one leaving the store feeling like I needed to scream.
I was the one eating the Oreo's on the way home.

I was that mom.

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I'm still here

I just haven't had much time to myself lately. Dot is four months old and still waking up 3 times a night. Googie has finally hit the terrible twos, and that has it's own set of challenges as you all know. I swear I can't turn my back on her for two seconds! We're looking into buying our first house, and figuring that out takes up any spare time I really have.

Just to catch you up on a couple things:

• Dot has acid reflux/heart burn and is on Zantac (this has really helped with the crying)
• Dot has decided not to sleep through the night anymore
• Googie's hair loss was not caused by lymphoma, leukemia, hyper/hypothyroidism, diabetes, celiacs disease, or any other potentially fatal disease. We're waiting on the test results on a possible dietary deficiency. So far that has all been good news. (I don't know that I ever wrote about this . . . anyway she lost most of her hair on the front/top of her head and my previous doctor dismissed it as stress. My new pediatrician was appalled that the previous doctor didn't run the appropriate tests, so Googie had a bunch of blood work done.)
• Googie's constipation may or may not be caused by milk. The new doctor says that since no milk diet is working to keep it up, but he wants an actual diagnosis from an allergist. So were going to see them in the next month or so.

Those were the big discoveries that we made. Everything else has just basically been ho-hum everyday life. Excitement here and there. But too much to write about here.

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There are times that I just send the tantrum throwing Googie to her room, (for her own safety, and my sanity), but then there are times that she just couldn't be any cuter. Like last night . . .

As I was getting ready to make dinner she comes into the kitchen and says "I nee a hel(p) momma." So I got out an empty bowl and spoon for her. She stirred it for about a minute and then, exasperated, she tells me "Momma, I nee a hel(p) momma!" She wanted to do something that would actually help, so I let her stir the sauce I was making, but when that was done, everything else was too hot for her to help with. So I had her set the table. One plate, one fork, one glass at a time. I would say to her "Here, this one's mommy's fork." "Here's Daddy's glass go put it on the table." And she did. Then when dinner was all ready and we all went to sit down at the table apparently we all sat in the wrong spots. She told us "No Dada, tas Momma's" "Momma, sit, sit, ere." Once we were seated properly she went and took her seat like the queen she is. Then, excited to be in charge she told us to be "quie" and that it was time for a "rayer." We said our prayer, and as soon as we were done she said "ea(t) Momma, ea(t) Dada." We both were trying so hard not to laugh.

She ate more for dinner last night then I have ever seen her eat, and I think it was because she was involved in the whole process. This is something that I am definitely going to encourage. If she wants to help around the house who am I to say no?

Dot on the other hand . . . Well she's adorable during the days. But she is killing me, slowly killing me at night. She's up at least three times a night, and since the girls share a room, Googie is getting up once or twice a night now too. Last night I was up 6 times. SIX! I really don't see the point of even going to sleep sometimes. Dot's four months old now and I think I should at least be getting a couple of full nights of sleep a week. She did it for a couple nights there before we moved, but ever since then it's like yeah right mom. Googie was 3 weeks old when she started sleeping through the night. I just don't know what to do.

I would let Dot cry for 20 minutes, or more, when she wakes up at night, if the girls weren't sharing a room. But I can't have them both awake; and as it is, if Googie wakes up she thinks it's time to get up. I just don't know what to do. I can't wait until we can get into a house and they'll have their own rooms. I wish I could change this pattern but I just don't know how to do it. Any suggestions (and I mean any!) would be appreciated. I am truly at a loss.

So that's my life lately. I'm tired all the time, and busy with Googie, or Dot, or both, the rest. They just never leave me alone! Even now, Googie is playing at my feet and giving me bites of whatever she's concocting in her pots. Kids. Yeah. What more can I say? I can't wait until they grow up. (I know, I know "treasure these moments, they grow up too fast" blah blah blah.) I'm just tired of Toddlers and babies. Actually basically I'm just tired. Okay, now I'm just babbling. I'll stop now. Maybe if I turn on a movie, Googie will let me nap. But probably not. It's no fun to watch a movie by yourself.

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McDonald's and a Bath

Today while we were out and about, we got stopped at the stop light in front of the local McDonald's.

Googie: Aah don-lds? Aah Don-lds!
Me: Oh, yep there's the McDonald's.
Googie: Aah Snaaa? Aah Snaaaa??!!!!
Me: Well if your good at the store we can get a snack.
Googie: Aah don-lds? Aah Snaaaa???!!
Me: Yes, if your good at the store we can get a snack at McDonald's.

She was very good at the store, and I kept telling her what a good girl she was being, you know, positive reinforcement. But by the time we had finished up at the store, I'd completely forgotten about our little conversation. I put Googie in the car and said "Do you want to go to our house?" Now usually this comment is followed by an enthusiastic "Ou Houw!" But today she just started crying, bawling, and babbling something. I just chalked it up to her being tired and put the baby and our purchases in the car. When she was still screaming at me after 2 minutes of trying to calm her down I told her I didn't understand what she needed and asked her to use her words. And through her tears she said "Aah don-lds, aah snaaa" in a disappointed voice.

We turned around and went back to McDonald's. She was so happy, she just kept saying "Aah don-lds, aah snaaa" over and over.

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The baby was being fussy all afternoon. But only when I set her down. When she was in my arms she was fine. (She was in my arms all afternoon!)

When Googie woke up from her nap she ran out and wanted me to play with her. I couldn't play as well as she would like with the baby in my arms. So she got frustrated, and I in turn got frustrated. Finally I said "Just go choose something to do."

She walked away looking rejected. But she took what I said seriously. She went into her bedroom, the kitchen, and then back to our family room. Her face said, I give up, there's nothing to do. And then, all of the sudden, her eyes lit up and she ran over to me "A Daaaaaa???!!!"

It just made me laugh. "Sure sweetheart, you can have a bath."

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Laws of the Toddler

My husband sent this to me. It's so true, it's not even that funny.

Laws of the Toddler

by unknown

1. If I like it, it's mine.
2. If it's in my hand, it's mine.
3. If I can take it from you, it's mine.
4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.
5. If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.
6. If I'm doing or building something, all the pieces are mine.
7. If it looks just like mine, it's mine.
8. If I think it's mine, it's mine.

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I want my cuddle time back!

We have certain things we do before bed. I'm sure everyone does. We do all the things that a normal family does (okay so I use the term normal loosely). We put on jammys, brush teeth, go potty, read a book, and have a sippy in bed. It's a routine and she knows what's coming. From the minute I start, she knows that bed is the end.

Lately we've gotten into the "terrible twos." It hasn't been that terrible for us. She just likes to scream no and throw fits. When I ask does she need to go potty, or would she like some lunch, the response is always no, sometimes she means it, sometimes she doesn't. Nothing too out of the ordinary for an almost two year old.

There was a period of about three months (15-18 months old) where we would go through her entire ten book library in one sitting. Reading story after story and cuddling. She'd point out the things she recognized in the pictures, and then sit back and listen to the story. It was fun. It was time that I really enjoyed.

The problem has become that she doesn't like reading with me anymore, because she associates that with getting in bed. She's grown up enough to understand the progression of a routine, but not to differentiate the slight variables. Like time of day, the amount of daylight left, jammys vs play clothes, etc. So reading books together has become a chore. Something that must be done before she can sleep, but not an enjoyable, close, experience.

Well she's only two . . . She'll grow out of this . . . Won't she?

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Toilet Training and Gas

How do you explain to a newly potty-trained 20 month old that it is okay to pass gas in your panties just not anything else?

Now, she is doing really well being potty trained so young, and having so few accidents, and I really don't want to discourage that. But when we're at the very back of Costco and the bathrooms are at the very front and she is telling you frantically she has to go right that minute, so you run all the way to the front of the store, get her on the toilet and all it is is gas. IT'S SO FRUSTRATING! I mean it's really good that she is telling me, and I'm sure she doesn't understand the difference, or why mommy asks "That's All??!!!" But man is it frustrating.

Or when it's nap time and she has to get up every 20 minutes to go potty, but only actually goes potty once. You can't ignore it. She doesn't understand the whole if-you-cry-wolf-all-the-time-when-you-really-have-to-go-mommy-isn't-going-to-believe-you thing.

So back to my question. How do you teach a young child the difference? Or is it just something they have to figure out on their own?

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Nemo and the Potty

We are potty training again this morning. Googie is doing really well so far. She woke up with her diaper mostly dry and then went potty on the toilette. She has kept her panties dry all morning, and has been really proud of herself. We are definetly doing better than we did the past couple of days.

Besides hearing myself ask 'do you need to go potty?' the only other thing I've heard all morning is 'Momo?' Momo is her way of saying Nemo. I was hesitant to put it on the past couple of days because I didn't want her distracted from going to the potty. But after an hour of 'Mooom, Momo?' over and over again, I gave in. Besides she's been doing really well so she needs a treat every now and then.

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I lost Googie . . .

Our ward does areobics every monday, wednesday, and friday at the ward building. Its great. We lock ourselves in the gym and let the kids run wild. It's the only way I can work out anymore these days.

So today, I was working out as usual, I looked around to make sure Googie wasn't bullying any of the babies. And I couldn't find her. One of the older kids had opened the back door to the gym. I tried to stay cool and started walking around the church. She had to be there somewhere.

Half way around the church I started to freak out. What if someone passing by saw her at the door, and decided she was cute enough to take (she really is that cute . . .). She's so friendly she wouldn't have screamed or anything. I never would have known. What if she opened the outside doors and went wondering out. There's a busy street right next to the church. She could have been hit by a car. What if I never saw her again, and the last thing I said to her was "go play (ie. leave mommy alone)."

So I went a little over the top with worry, but man she scared me. So I make it around the last corner, and I see her at the end of the hall, playing with the drinking fountain. Little dot. I started crying when I saw her.

I think pregnancy harmones played into my freaking out. But man that girl scared me. Everything was alright, I never should have freaked out so bad . . . Oh well the important thing is she was alright.

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Potty Training

We are working on potty training, right now. I know, she's a little young don't you think? Well she is a little young. But she is 18 mo, and she is very interested in the toilette. We're not having very much sucess at this point (6-8 times yesterday when we actually made it to the potty before her panties get wet). My mom tells me it's normal and just to stick at it. So here we are on day two. We went potty on the toilette this morning when we got up from bed, and then had an accident while we were eating breakfast. She gets so excited when she goes potty on the toilette and so sad when she doesn't. It's not like she gets in trouble for not going potty, she just doesn't get a m&m and doesn't get to flush the toilette. But she bawls when she messes up. I'm hoping that today is better than yesterday. If it doesn't take in the next three days we will try again in a month. Because she is so little, I feel like I'm more testing out the waters. Like can you do this now, or should we wait. We tried a month ago, and that failed miserably, she didn't even care if her panties were wet. This time is better, but we'll see how today and tomorrow go. I figure I have until the end of July, and then she either has to be done, or wait until after the baby comes.

On a different topic, we find out what the baby is in ten days! I am so excited!

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