PMS
Okay, so I've had a bad week.
I've been thinking a lot about how to write this post. I need to write it. I need to get these feelings written down so that they don't overwhelm me. But I don't want to freak anyone out. Please don't be freaked out. I'll be fine, really.
I am almost 6 months pregnant. I hate it. I hate everything about it. I'm not even sick anymore, and I still hate it. I hate retarded maternity clothes. I hate my belly. I hate the stretch marks that are reappearing. I hate, Hate, HATE being pregnant.
Is it possible to have the 'baby blues' before you even have the baby? I don't know how else to decribe what I'm feeling. I cry at the most random times. I don't have the energy to get anything done. Somedays I eat constantly, and other days I can't eat at all.
I'm frustrated with myself because I can't keep the house clean. I am frustrated because I can't seem to love the life growing inside of me. I hate myself for wishing her away (make sure to understand 'wishing' I could never do anything that would get rid of her, just wishing I could go back in time and change the past). I hate how irritable I am. And I hate that I'm sad about being pregnant.
I was so excited from day one that I found out I was pregnant with googie. Being pregnant was all that I dreamed it would be. It was worth throwing up for. It was worth labor to have her here. But with this one its not and I hate that.
I hate that I'm crying as I write this. I hate that I get mad when she kicks me. I hate feeling this way. Why can't I just be happy?
** I do have to add that today has been an unusually bad day, uh week. Usually I don't feel like this constantly. It comes and goes. Every month I have a bad day, or sometimes week. But I cry for awhile, get it out of my system, and it goes away for awhile. I swear it's like I'm still PMSing once a month. Is that even possible?**
Labels:
It's Gonna Kill Me
2 comments:
TOTALLY NOT freaked out here...
I think you are feeling totally normal feelings.
Three of my 5 sisters LOVE LOVE LOVE being pregnant...they have easy pregnancies, easy deliveries, and function just fine. Another sister has hard pregancies, but she LOVED being pregnant.
I don't love being pregnant. In fact I hate it. I love love love me some babies... but just wish someone would just hand them to me instead of the whole pregnant thing.
I think it is totally possible to pms while you're pregnant... hormones still surge throughout pregnancy.... I would just say-- Let yourself have down days. Decide that that day is a PJ-STAY-HOME-AND-GIVE-Googie-PBJ-CAKE-AND-pudding for meals that day! Don't expect to be perfect mom 24/7.
EAT MORE CHOCOLATE yourself!!! lol
And don't get down on yourself for your feelings.
Seriously, tho... you can analyze how you feel, WHY you feel what you do... just let yourself feel.
A lot of my anxiety was that I felt it was too soon to be pregnant again (my oldest was only 7 months old when I found out I was pg with my 2nd) and I was worried that I couldn't love another daughter like I did my 1st daughter... I hated being sick, hated being so tired and sore all the time, and I HATED really HATED the idea of going through labor again. I hated the ugliness of maternity clothes, I hated my big fat body... I could go on and on.
I hope you are feeling better today--and if you aren't... I hope you know you aren't alone.
BIG HUGS and prayers your way...
I'm sorry you are having a hard time!
I'm actually having a down day today too. I don't hate being pregnant. It took me 4 yeras to have my dd, and this was a surprise, "wow, we can get pregnant naturally" type pregnancy. Maybe it is because this pregnancy wasn't expected, but I am really apprehensive about labor and am having a really hard time with my body. I started out this pregnancy weighing less than I did when I got pregnant with my daguther, and yet I am still getting huge and I'm not coping well with the changes. I only have a month left and I'm nervous about labor, and wonder if I will have that instant love for my son, and stressing about how this will affect my sleep, my 19-month daughter's sleep, and my relationship with my daughter.....I could go on and on. I definitely have more worries this time around and it has made it a very different pregnancy! But like you said, I don't feel this way every day and it is nice to get the feelings out before they overwhelm you!
So take care, have a cozy day and hope that tomorrow is a happier one!
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