Just can't wait

Hi! How are you. It's been awhile. I know. I've been secluding myself. I keep hoping that maybe tomorrow I'll have good news, and a new little baby at our house. Maybe tomorrow will be the magical day, but I highly doubt it. I'm due in exactly 13 days. I know, hoping to have the baby this early was stupid. I didn't plan on it. Two months ago I wasn't even going to start thinking she might show up until at least Sept. 6th. I tried to convince myself that was my due date. It didn't work. As I've gotten bigger everyday, and more uncomfortable everday, that little voice in the back of my head (you know the one I've been trying to silence since I was 7 months pregnant) kept saying "you know, 37 weeks is full term . . ."

So now, 8 days over "full term" I am anxiously awaiting the arrival of a crying, pooping, spitting up, keep me up all night little bundle of joy.

Why is it so hard for me to wait? Why am I so impatient to push a big round head out of a not so big . . . well you know? When I know how much it's going to hurt, why do I get excited with every contraction I have, and wonder if this is the one that will start the real deal? Am I really that stupid? With the first baby/pregnancy you don't really know the pain your going to go through. So its natural to just look past giving birth and straight on to cute little infant. But with this being my second (and my first labor NOT being an easy one by any account) how can I still be excited?

Some mother's say they forget the pain, and only remember the joy. Well that's not me. I remember it hurt, real bad. And not even the birth, that was relatively easy compared to the laboring before. I mean, when I can say that I fully felt the episiotomy, and that wasn't half as bad as the contractions the night before, you know they were bad. And then there is the whole recovery. Getting your body back. Adjusting to a new baby. The contractions while you nurse. The stitches. No sex. First time back to sex. It's just no fun. So why, why, why am I excited???

I think we mothers must enjoy the pain. We have to. There's no other reason that after having your first baby you'd WANT to put yourself through that again. I mean really, why do we do this to ourselves. Over and over again.

But then, I think about the day I had today. I got lots of toddler hugs and kisses all day long. I got to go to the park and push a swing. I got to say "1, 2, 3, GO" and hear "YEAH!!!" after she made it down the slide. I got to feel proud down at the pool when she swimming around with arm floaties all by herself. And right now I get to "cu-cu-cu-ca" (cuddle).

I don't think I'll ever be able to say the pain was "all worth it" but I do like the results that come afterwards. It's one of those things that you don't think about until the 9th month of pregnancy. Getting pregnant is all fun. Being pregnant until the 7th month isn't even that bad. Somedays during the 8th and 9th months you think any amount of pain is worth it if you can just sleep through the night again (but do you really get to do that anyways?). And then when birth is finally imminent you remember (at least in my case) everything you have to go through, and alternate between days of "thanks for staying in a little longer", and "get this thing out of me!"